经典的幽默搞笑小笑话

(资料图)

　　只要是英语的我们多多积累就可以了。就给大家分享一下英语的笑话学习一下吧

　　你活不成了

　　Gravely ill, a man went to the doctor with his wife. After the examination the physician motioned for the wife to meet him in the hallway.

　　一个人得了重病，妻子伴随他去看医生。检查过后，医生示意病人的妻子到走廊见他。

　　"Your husband is very sick, " the doctor said, "but there are three things you can do to ensure his survival. First, fix him three healthful, delicious meals a day. Next, give him a stress-free environment , and don"t complain about anything. Finally, make passionate love to him every day.“

　　你丈夫病得很重，”医生说，“但有三件事可保住他的性命。第一，一日三餐，要营养美味。第二，给他一个轻松的环境，不要抱怨。第三，每天都对他倾注炽热的爱。”

　　On the drive home the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?"

　　在驱车回家的路上，丈夫问道：“医生说了什么?”

　　"I"m sorry, " she said, "but you"re not going to make it.“

　　很遗憾，“你活不成了。”

　　他什么都没听到

　　Working at the post office, I"m used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What"s the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We"ve been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband"s new hearing aid."

　　我在邮局上班，对于顾客们的各种情绪早已习以为常了。所以，有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的工作台时，我还是非常平静地问她，“有什么问题吗?”“我早上上街了，”女顾客说，“我回到家的时候，我看到一个卡片，卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹，但没人在家。可是我的丈夫整个早上都在家啊。他说他什么都没听到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹给了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顾客喜形于色。“我们等这东西都等多少年了!”“是什么好东西?”我问。“我丈夫的新助听器”。

　　我要出去

　　A bar owner locked up his place at 2 a. m. and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang." What time do you open up in the morning ?" he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire.

　　在凌晨两点，酒吧店主锁了店门，回家睡觉。他刚躺下几分钟，这时电话响了。“你早上几点营业?”他听到一位明显已醉醺醺的男子的声音。

　　The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went back to bed. A few minutes later there was another call and he heard the same voice ask the same question. "Listen," the owner shouted ,"there"s no sense in asking me what time I open because I wouldn"t let a person in your condition in-"

　　店主非常气愤，砰地一声挂上电话又上床去睡。几分钟后又有一个电话，他听到还是那个声音问同样的问题。“听着，”店主嚷道，“不要问我什么时候营业，因为我不会让你这种人进----”

　　"I don"t want to get in," the caller interjected. "I want to get out“

　　我不是想进来，”那人打断他的话，“我要出去。”